Doxie Proxy

Groceries

How commonplace, but that is what my day’s been about. Friday night, we went to go see Eclipse, and I LOVED it!  Oh my gosh, Kristin Stewart was gorgeous in it, and her acting was good! (This is a huge change from my opinion of her charms in movies 1 and 2 [especially 1].) An idiot had to sit RIGHT next to me, and both she and her husband pulled out their cell phones 20 minutes into the movie. I asked if they’d please shut them, because it’s distracting, so she said “Then don’t look!”. I (politely, yes) said it was kinda hard not to notice, because the lights are pretty bright when it’s dark in there, so if she wouldn’t mind…) Nada. Just attitude. I then told her she could either shut them now, because we paid $20 to see this movie, or I could get up and someone would come make her shut it or GTFO. She glared at me, and her brilliant husband just sat there. I got up. Mgr and associate came to visit, whispers were exchanged, and that was it. Mgr and associate came back to visit, repeatedly. Sigh. Why do people do this? Why are people such friggin’ idiots? Can’t you read? Or are you one of those who was graduated out of school (if you even got a diploma) without learning the alphabet? @#$%@#$ idiot. Oh, wait.. I’m sorry - you’re one of the ‘Entitled’, right? The rest of us should hand you everything on a silver platinum-plated platter, because you’re too stupid, lazy or uneducated to earn anything for yourself? Cry me a handful. I busted my ass to get where I am, as did everyone I work with.

To think I spent more than half my life standing up for fools like you. Disgusting.

Down

The new job is going wonderfully. I really like the people I work with. Thank you, God!

Also, I feel…not well.

I think I’m beginning to have symptoms. I thought I’d have at least another year (or three) before all this started, but…I think…not. I felt poorly about a month ago, and even went so far as to make an appt with my heart doc (Dr. Awesome, whom I adore and treasure), but then it ended up feeling more like reflux. Yeah, yeah, I know - but trust me, this *did* end up being reflux, so I cancelled the appt. This was supposed to be better, though, right? I mean, the tests showed my valve was actually looking better than before, so I was able to go from every 6 month appointments to yearly appointments. Yay, right?

Sigh.

Why now? Please, please, please, not now. Not with a brand new job that I need to succeed at. Not when I have precious little leave time, thanks to the horrendous Bronchitis Bout of 2009™. Not when someone I love is very, very ill, and I may not have them for much longer. Please, not now. I need to get my life in order, get my house all organized and cleaned (all at the same time, for ONCE in my life), get meals cooked/assembled and frozen, get this @#$!@ house situation cleared up, get moved if we need to and do a freakin’ million other things. I don’t have time for heart surgery! I can’t take 6 week off!

I can’t give up…ever being able to have a child.

God, please fix me.

Please. Really, this time. I’m begging you.

Changes

About a month ago, I applied for a higher-level job, half-knowing I’d never get it. Two stressful (on my part) interviews, several nail-bitingly anxious days and a nice fat payraise (hello?) later, I got it! w00t! So far, so good. There’s a metric ton of training (the trainer is amazing and awesome, and I may have to buy her a fan to thank you for all her awesomeness [she shares my worship of all things which keep us cool]), but it’s been the usual bit thus far, e.g. security and privacy measures. I met a few of…Gawd, I don’t ever know what to call them… my team? Folks I’m over now? Anyway, they seem pretty nice, and I’ve heard naught but good (great) things about them.

I got an iPhone, and I am OMG HAPPY. It is surgically attached to my hand, and I don’t know how I lived without it. I am CRAZY over this phone. Just stupid happy, really. My gosh, you can do just about ANYTHING with it - hence my use of ALL CAPS, y’know?

Off to the library. Reading No Excuses by Wayne Dyer, and he mentioned a great book by Bruce Lipton - something about Belief and Biology, or near that. They have it, and I’m going to read it tonight. Yay!

100 years.

I reached a milestone last month, and I still can’t believe it. When I was young, I thought that when you ‘grew up’, you’d have all the answers, and think and behave always like a ‘grownup’.

Wrong.

Oh, oh, so wrong.

Listening to 100 Years by Five For Fighting (on my sparkly new gorgeous OMG I love it to pieces iPhone).

Spent yesterday morning in the ER with yet another SVT attack. This one was the worst, by far. I awoke with actual pain at the base of my throat, and by the time I got to the ER (10 minutes, because my husband was hauling tush), my entire lower jawbone was throbbing. I was scared to death and crying…the first time I’ve ever done that with this. The Adenosine was painful, as always, and seemed to affect me for longer than it usually does. Last time, they had to go with 2 doses (6mg, then either a 6 or a 12mg the second time). This time, he (doc) went right for the 12mg, and it felt like my world was ending. The nurses were awesome, as always, and the doc was cool. I had issues afterwards with why I wasn’t on BP checks afterward, because it can make my BP tank, but at that point, I was too out of it to ponder this question. I was just glad to be alive. Eff, that scared me.

If a heart attack is anything… anything at all like that, and I’m quite sure it’s 1000 times worse, then that scares me senseless.

I can feel the anxiety starting again. I feel like I could go cry in the shower for a good hour. Why am I doing this to myself?

I’m going to die before my parents. Before my husband. Before my damn cat.

I just know it.

Dissection.

Feeling too introspective tonight to write online. Going to hit up the paper journal.

*Moan*

…and not in a good way. *snort* *hack* *wheeze*

I am so freakin’ sick. OMG.

I have a doctor’s appointment in the morning, and this will make the first time I’ve ever missed a full week of work because of being sick. (I mean other than scheduled, vacation-esque things.)

I am hacking so bad I can barely talk, and my throat feels like a flaming, gushing hoard of lava (HA! I first wrote “Horde”. If you play WoW, you’ll find that funny.) Anyway.. oh yes, gushing hoard of lava demons is slip-sliding away along my tonsils. My ears are so stopped up and I worry that I’ve been deafening people because I can barely hear myself - though… now that I think about it, I can barely talk above a whisper so WTH am I worried about? Have I mentioned that I just took my first dose of that great c0deine cough syrup stuff that I hear so much about? (pun) - Seriously.. I must have given it to people at least a few hundred times, but tonight’s my first experience with it, and I am just about cross-eyed. Please, God, let me get some sleep tonight.

New puter? Check.

Finally home with the Mister, whom I adore? Check.

Abigail doing better? Check.

Parents doing OK? Check.

Wow.. I am rambling. GOing to check this tomorrow, when I’m hopefully not on narc0tics. Or whatever.

On a side note that is probably only funny to myself, Mister, and the handful of gamers we hang with, I have decided that my diagnosis is ASS, because that’s what I feel like. Ass. In leet-speak, it’d be ICD-9 Code 455.00. HAH!

Oh, hell.. what is that code, for real?

OMGROTFL!! It’s hemorrhoids! LMAO!

Dear God, lemme go to bed before I laugh myself into an ashtma attack. Ashtma. @#$!@#$ asthma. There you go. Hah. KNew i could do it.

Code1ne sucks.

Me? And a Snuggie™?

Where to begin…

• My last cardiologist’s appointment actually showed improvement in my heart condition (congenital). After many years of seeing him every 6 months, I’m now going to be seeing him only once per year. YAY ME! This is wonderful news, meaning my impending and mandatory surgery is most likely much further off then we previously thought. He says the increase in my SVT is most likely due to my not drinking enough (true), and my anxiety not being well-controlled (truetruetrue), so, we made a few changes, and I promised my heart out (Hah! Pun!) that I would drink more water.
• Abigai1 is doing so much better. The lax ligaments in her hind quarters actually seem to be better. She’s not so splay-legged now, and can actually walk on the kitchen floor. My sweetie!
• A health concern I’ve known about for a year is now better, as well, due completely to my actually beginning to take it seriously, instead of dog-paddling the river of Denial. Medication helps, but attitude helps, too.
• I’m at my folk’s house, and having a blast. I have the greatest parents of all time. I am so lucky God blessed me with them.
• The situation with the Ginormous Government Entity (AKA the Huge Pain in My Arse) seems to be coming along, as well. A little while longer, and it’ll be completely cleared up, and Lord, let me tell you right now, I’ll never get into this situation again.
• Car seems to be running well. Transmission problems (AGAIN) were fixed, and 3 new tires were purchased. Whew. (I know, I know, but I only needed three. Just go with it.)
• The owners of our home want us to either buy or move in 6 months. I think we’ll be moving. I’m so not looking forward to this, but if it gets us somewhere cheaper, then so be it. Mister is going to shriek if he can’t have a garage and a fenced-in yard.

More later. New PC to play with. Fast Tri-Core processor, 4G Ram, 500G HD & a kickin’ video card - $200 at a repo auction. Comes w/ Vista & MS Office 2k7. w00t.

Ohhh, yes. I almost forgot. Mother bought a Snuggie™ last night. I laughed, but 10 minutes ago, when I was sitting on the couch, freezing, I slipped it on. Much to my chagrin, I am warm.

Don’t tell anyone.

Holiday

Thank you, MLK, Jr., for trying to make life better for people, including today’s holiday. Yay!

Mister’s in the bed, because he stayed up wayyyyy too late/early playing the Star Trek Online beta. Yes, I’m playing it too, but I scampered off to bed around 1am, then spent the next 1.5 hours finishing Fallen.

Hmm…

It’s gorgeous outside. I’m thinking I’ll go wake the hubby, get dressed, take us to brunch at Le Peep, then go see the Book of Eli.

Later!

Newness

So far, 2010 rocks. I haven’t had to work a single day all year! (Insert raucous, canned laughter following a cymbal crash.)

I want to take better care of myself this year. My recent episode of SVT (two? weeks ago?) sucked in a big way, and I had to have Adenosine twice. It probably feels different to different people, but for me, it HURTS. Like HELL. It feels like something large has landed on my chest and is bearing down, crushing me. My heart doesn’t feel like it’s skittering anymore - it feels like it has stopped, for longer than the nanosecond the drug causes it to. If that’s anything like what an actual heart attack feels like, then dear God… I need to walk the straight and narrow, lest I feel it for real one day.

One day seems to be getting closer and closer. I had a visit to the girly doc today, and will be getting a CA-125 test done soon. Fun. Not necessarily for the reasons one might think, but still.. scary. I need to be cleared of all girly causes for a symptom I am having, thus multiple tests have and will be completed, so that I can go on to my next specialist with my shiny new results showing that the ball is in their court.

Thus far this year I’ve have my teeth cleaned and my bits checked. 2 for 2, I am! Go me in my quest for preventive health care! (Let me try to get my health taken care of before Nobamac@re screws up the entire system.)

Taz has begun to exhibit odd twitching movements. At least, he’s done it twice in front of me, and it weirded me out. I don’t know if it’s a bunny running o’er his grave (shudder), or an actual symptom, but I’m going to see if it continues. Please, Lord.. not another sick animal.

Abigail is having serious issues with her back legs. The tendons have relaxed a great deal, secondary to a long regimen of high-dose steroids, but there’s not much we can do about that right now.

The cat is fine. Fat, particular and persnickety, but fine.

It’s a beautifully clear night, and the stars look like diamonds. The observatory just opened up for viewing, too. Hmm. I may grab Mister for some serious gazing.

Happy New Year! Tah!

40 Questions (plus a few). 2009 version.

1) Was 2009 a good year for you? No.

2) What was your favorite moment of the year? Singing 50’s songs with my dad, while riding through the Georgia countryside in his big ol’ pickup truck.

3) What was your least favorite moment of the year? My phone call with someone I wish very, very bad things upon.

5) Who were you with? I was alone.

6) Where will you be when 2009 ends? At home.

7) Who will you be with when 2009 ends? My wonderful husband.

8. Did you keep your new years resolution of 2009? One of them, yes. I have stopped volunteering to help with committees and things of that nature. Don’t ask me to help, and don’t ask me for money, because my days of giving a rat’s red arse are OVER. Sh’naynay, or whatever your idiotic name is, it gave me great pleasure to find that you were as miserable as you made me, and I hope that you get all the joy in life you deserve, and hopefully by people judging you without knowing a damn thing about you.

9) Do you have a new years resolution for 2009?

• Survive.

10) Did you fall in love in 2009? No, but I stayed in love, which was wonderful.

11) If yes, with whom? The Mister, AKA my husband of many years.

12) If yes, do they know? Hah! He better. As he likes to say, “I have papers!”

13) Are you still in love with them? More, with every single breath.

14) Do you regret it? No

15) Did you break up with anyone in 2009? No

16) Did you make any new friends in 2009? Yes.

17) Who are your favorite new friends? A sweet lady in Georgia.

18) What was your favorite month of 2009? I didn’t have one. They all pretty much sucked.

19) Did you travel outside of the US in 2009? No

20) How many different states did you travel to in 2009? Georgia.

21) Did you lose anybody close to you in 2009? Yes. B. I can’t believe you’re gone.

22) Did you miss anybody in the past year? Yes, terribly.

23) What was your favorite movie that you saw in 2009? New Moon

24) What was your favorite song from 2009? Running Away, by Midnight Hour.

25) What was your favorite record from 2009? Soundtrack to Doctor Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog

26) Did you see any concerts this year? No.

27) Did you have a favorite concert in 2009? N/A

28) Did you drink a lot of alcohol in 2009? No, but I had a few dirty martinis. Nummy.

29) Did you do a lot of (not counting alcohol) drugs in 2008? No, not at all. People who do drugs (including pot) are idiots. I’ve helped put too many of the potheads back together after they smeared themselves along a stretch of highway, and it’s heartbreaking and depressing, and makes me very angry. Too many times, I’ve had to tell a sobbing, hysterical parent or spouse that their beloved family member is dead, or will be needing diaper changes for the rest of their life because of drugs, or have to tag and bag a ridiculously young girl who ought to be home shaving her legs and painting her toenails, and nothing anyone says will ever change my mind. So, yeah. I think they are idiots.

30) Did you hope for something you didn’t get in 2009? Yes, but I’m still hoping. It’ll happen. Or it won’t. Either way, I’ll be fine.

31) Did you do anything you are ashamed of this year? Yes. I snapped at my mom, because I’m an idiot who doesn’t deserve my perfect mother. Why can’t I keep my mouth shut? She’s wonderful, and I’m an ass. Grrrr.

32) What was the biggest lie you told in 2009? Every time I’ve asked about the well-being of certain individuals, it was a lie, because I don’t care, and I never have. I’d rather not hear a word about these folks ever again.

33) What was the worst lie someone told you? It’ll be $300. No, I’m sorry, it’ll be $976. Doh! I meant $410. Oops, my bad, it’s actually $842.

34) Did you treat somebody badly in 2009? Yes.

35) Did somebody treat you badly in 2009? Yes, very much so.

36) How much money did you spend in 2009? Enough.

37) What was your proudest moment of 2009? HAH! When the idiot who flew past me and flipped me off was in turn immediately pulled over by a cop.

38) What was your most embarrassing moment of 2009? I don’t remember one in particular.

39) If you could go back in time to any moment of 2009 and change something, what would it be? I’d take back every time I yelled or was unkind or sarcastic, and I’d HANG UP on the gigantic flaming idiot before the phone call even began, and I’d tell Sh’quaniakita (whatever) to get bent. And…I’d never cry. Ever.

40) What are your plans for 2009? To survive.

(A few questions of my own)

41) What was the nicest thing you were told in 2009? I love you.

42) What was the worst movie you saw in 2009? Bliss. (via Netflix)

43) What was the worst song you heard in 2009? Too many to count. If it’s sung by someone wearing a “grill”, who wears the crotch of their pants betwixt their knees, and doffs a baseball hat so that it stands, erect, 6 inches off of their head, replete with the price tag, chances are very good I think whatever tune they attempted to gargle out was fairly vile. (If you’re playing bluegrass fiddle or screeching/screaming out lyrics, chances are I hate your song, too.)

44) What was the best overall book you read in 2009? Hmm, too many to name. I’ll get back to this.

45) What was the worst book you read in 2009? Deep Storm

46) What was the last book you read in 2009? Currently reading several. Hush, Hush, Masquerade, Animal, Vegetable, Mineral, and several others. Will get back to this. Maybe.