Doxie Proxy

Down

The new job is going wonderfully. I really like the people I work with. Thank you, God!

Also, I feel…not well.

I think I’m beginning to have symptoms. I thought I’d have at least another year (or three) before all this started, but…I think…not. I felt poorly about a month ago, and even went so far as to make an appt with my heart doc (Dr. Awesome, whom I adore and treasure), but then it ended up feeling more like reflux. Yeah, yeah, I know - but trust me, this *did* end up being reflux, so I cancelled the appt. This was supposed to be better, though, right? I mean, the tests showed my valve was actually looking better than before, so I was able to go from every 6 month appointments to yearly appointments. Yay, right?

Sigh.

Why now? Please, please, please, not now. Not with a brand new job that I need to succeed at. Not when I have precious little leave time, thanks to the horrendous Bronchitis Bout of 2009™. Not when someone I love is very, very ill, and I may not have them for much longer. Please, not now. I need to get my life in order, get my house all organized and cleaned (all at the same time, for ONCE in my life), get meals cooked/assembled and frozen, get this @#$!@ house situation cleared up, get moved if we need to and do a freakin’ million other things. I don’t have time for heart surgery! I can’t take 6 week off!

I can’t give up…ever being able to have a child.

God, please fix me.

Please. Really, this time. I’m begging you.