Doxie Proxy

Groceries

How commonplace, but that is what my day’s been about. Friday night, we went to go see Eclipse, and I LOVED it!  Oh my gosh, Kristin Stewart was gorgeous in it, and her acting was good! (This is a huge change from my opinion of her charms in movies 1 and 2 [especially 1].) An idiot had to sit RIGHT next to me, and both she and her husband pulled out their cell phones 20 minutes into the movie. I asked if they’d please shut them, because it’s distracting, so she said “Then don’t look!”. I (politely, yes) said it was kinda hard not to notice, because the lights are pretty bright when it’s dark in there, so if she wouldn’t mind…) Nada. Just attitude. I then told her she could either shut them now, because we paid $20 to see this movie, or I could get up and someone would come make her shut it or GTFO. She glared at me, and her brilliant husband just sat there. I got up. Mgr and associate came to visit, whispers were exchanged, and that was it. Mgr and associate came back to visit, repeatedly. Sigh. Why do people do this? Why are people such friggin’ idiots? Can’t you read? Or are you one of those who was graduated out of school (if you even got a diploma) without learning the alphabet? @#$%@#$ idiot. Oh, wait.. I’m sorry - you’re one of the ‘Entitled’, right? The rest of us should hand you everything on a silver platinum-plated platter, because you’re too stupid, lazy or uneducated to earn anything for yourself? Cry me a handful. I busted my ass to get where I am, as did everyone I work with.

To think I spent more than half my life standing up for fools like you. Disgusting.

Same

I’ve just come back from several days with family in another state. The “hearthstone” of my life, I suppose you could call it. Someone I love is ill. She’s been sick off and on for a long time, and it’s exacerbated some traits I hadn’t really given much thought to before.

I started to write about all she’s done for me, but suffice it to say she’s been there for me, a lot. My grown-up self can now look back and say I’ve been there for her a lot, too, and as of this week, we’re even. Maybe forever.

My mother hugged her and cried, asking forgiveness for something every single one of us agree she should have and HAD to do, and this particular relative didn’t so much as twitch. My mother. Cried. And this… God, how I pause at this point. Do I say angry? Bitter? Hateful? When at the same time, my heart tells me she’s a loving person, and I know this because her life has been about helping wounded people. Nonetheless, she didn’t acknowledge how much pain my mother was in, and how she was practically begging for forgiveness over this imagined sin, and that, to coin a Southern phrase, just FLEW ALL OVER ME. (I don’t care where the phrase originated from; the South’s where I grew up hearing it.)

My mom stepped out of the room and I let loose with both barrels. God, I was so furious that I was shaking, and I could feel the flushing starting on my chest and going all the way up to my temples. I blasted her with this great righteous indignation, full of thunder that my beloved mom had been hurt.

I spent the night tossing and turning. At 3am I was looking at the clock, saying “God, what did I do? What did I do? How could I say that?” I haven’t seen her since, and I don’t know if I’ll ever see her again. A big part of me says that I’m done, completely. She’s been hateful and horrible and bitter and beyond the most nightmarish of people that you could ever want to be around, and right now I feel like a gigantic ass, because I could have been more compassionate. Damn it. I could never, ever hate her, and will always love her, but right now.. I don’t think we like each other very much.

(Note to self: No, really, jackass?)

There’s no contest between my mother and any other female in this world. None. I love her with every fiber of my being, and will do everything I can to protect her from harm. I am so blessed. So very blessed.

It will probably not last long, but there is a tiny spark of hope within me.

I am 5 days late.

Please, God. Please.

Tags: family, vacation