Doxie Proxy

The Call.

I made the call this afternoon, and - after nearly two weeks of preparation, by way of the gathering of over 100 documents, many hours of research, multiple lists, a spreadsheet and countless lost hours of sleep, the conversation lasted less than 10 minutes, during which the employee of this enormous government bureaucracy was more kind, considerate and apologetic than I could have ever hoped for, she helped me finally, finally take the next step toward getting an enormous mess (all of which is my fault) taken care of. She said several times that she was very sorry for the way her company had handled my affairs for the last 6 months, when the records clearly show that I’ve been trying to work my way through this, and got lost in the cracks. God, thank you, because surely You had a hand in this. Thank you for the kind, wonderful, caring, sensitive and funny woman you put in my path today, because she took my hand and led me to a better place.

I think I can sleep now. I think I can take a deep breath without feeling the weight of the world on my chest and shoulders, and I think I can stop worrying that every day will bring a new attack of SVT that I can’t handle, and there will be yet another trip to the ER, and more missed work, and more…panic attacks. Because if I’m honest with myself, I know that’s what they are.

No more. Everything in my life is not perfect, but it’s a damn sight better now, and for that, I am grateful beyond measure.

Thank you, God. I’ve taken the first steps to the way out of this nightmare, and I can finally tell myself that it will actually end, and I can actually put it behind me, and I will never, never, NEVER, NEVER, EVER let this happen again.

To sleep, perchance to dream.

I can actually sleep.

I can breathe.

I can hope.

<3

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