Doxie Proxy

Gratitude is the fairest blossom…

..which springs from the soul. - Henry Ward Beecher

It’s been a long month. More of the same, essentially, but I need to list my blessings if for no other reason than to remind myself of them.

Thank you, God, for my blessings.

• My parents. They are wonderful beyond words, and I am wholly and thoroughly blessed by having them in my life.
• My husband. His faults are few. His strengths are innumerable. How I love this precious, precious man.
• My animals. I love my two little dogs and my sweet, fat cat more than I can say. They’ve brought so much to my life.
• My mind. Thank you for blessing me with a quick wit and the ability to add without using my fingers.
• My job. Thank you for blessing me with the ability to work with wonderful people performing work that can be challenging, and that pushes me to learn new things every day.
• My car, because it gets me where I need to go, and allows me to see my family more often.
• My health insurance. I can’t imagine how I could make it, even a few months, without it.
• My faith. In this day and age, when so many think it is open season on anyone with a smidgen of belief, I am grateful that mine is not shaken. I love you, Lord, and I thank you for being in my life.

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The problem has reared its monstrous head, once again, and I fear…no, I know, that I can’t keep it at bay this time. It’s time to pay the piper, and he’s apparently very proud of his wares. I don’t know that I can afford this, and I really do mean that. I’m scared. I’m not suicida1, by any means, but I wish I could lay down and sleep for five years, then wake to face the future, because surely the bad stuff would already be over.

I spent an afternoon at an auction. My parents, my grandmother and I had a good time, and I snagged a nice laptop case, replete with wheels (vroom!), and a ridiculously cute pair of kiddie umbrellas for two young cuties I know and ?.

I think I must head back home tomorrow. I’m glad we got to spend the holiday with my family (Mister had to head back early), but I miss the feeling of home. Being at home is like…proprioception. When I’m there, my heart knows I’m where I’m supposed to be, and it feels right. My life moves and flows in relation to the outside world, but I go forward from my origin; my home.

My sweet Abigail is relapsing again, and this time it’s worse. No seizures, but her hind legs are going, and I worry that soon, there will be no further remission. I don’t know what to do. Is this the beginning of her end? I can’t imagine my life without this precious creature. Please, God. Tell me what to do.

Tell me how I can fix her. Tell me how I can fix me.

Tags: Abigail, blessings, blues, dogs, family, holidays, pets, thanks